[学生习作A]
My hobby is read books①。When I was seven years old.I became interested in reading books.I like needing books because there are a lot of useful things in books.I can learn a lot of knowledge from books. Books also② can teach me how to be a good person.Books even can solve many problems for me.I will read more good books to improve myself.
①改为reading books,动词作表语时应该用动名词。
②also的位置应放在can之后。
[点评]:档次9-11分。
①要点不全,漏掉最后一个要点。
②句子基本无误,能正确传递信息给读者但文章不流畅,句子与句子之间过渡不自然,给读者感觉在回答上述问题。
③有少量错误。
[学生习作B]
My hobby is reading.Reading books is very enjoyable.When I was young ,my mother used to tell me a story before.I went to bed every night.The stories were so interesting that I always felt they weren’t enough.So I began to read books by myself.Little by little I became interested in reading.I can learn much knowledge and many interesting things all over the world.When I read books,I can enjoy the beautiful sentences.At the same time I can improve my writing.I want to be a writer in the future,so I must study hard and read more books so that my dream can come true.
①开门见山、点题。
②真情流露,理由充分。
③文中带圈的连词使用得恰当,使文章过渡自然、
④巧妙使用句型以表决心。
[点评]:档次13-14分。
①清楚表达写作目的,要点齐全。
②语言表达灵活多样,字里行间流露出真情实感,文章有感染力。
③恰当使用连词和从句,语言流畅,且无错误,是一篇高质量的作文。